Just like any story there is a beginning, middle and end. This is the beginning. I have decided today that I will change my destiny. I want to live a different life, a healthier life, and most importantly: I want to change. This site will provide me with some inspiration to reach my small goals and milestones in this weight loss journey. I have been wanting to change for sometime now, and I am ready. I hope through blogging that I will be able to uncover and rediscover myself. I also hope that one day that I will inspire others in their own weight loss journey.
This is my story, one blog at a time.....
Weight has always been a struggle for me, for as long as I can remember. Today I weigh 311 lbs. At 5’8 that is defined as morbidly obese, actually anything over 180lbs at my height is morbidly obese! I don’t want to be labeled or categorized as this, and “morbid” let’s face it sounds “morbid” lol.
More importantly, I’ve realized more then ever, just how much of life I have missed out on because of my weight, and the feelings that are associated with it. Feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger towards myself for allowing myself to get to this point. So, how did I get here? Well here is my story....
I have aloud myself to get to this point by denial and avoidance. I have made excuses by putting people and things before myself, and fixing my health. I have been in denial for sometime now, and have been over the 300lb mark for over 3 years now, at my highest 330lb. Shocking.
I remember when I was about 16 years old, and at that time I weighed around 240lbs, my heaviest at that time, promising myself never to hit that number again nor see it. I lost a modest 65 lbs, and was in the low 170's for graduation, by eating right and exercising. I worked hard to look good for my high school graduation, and I did look great, I felt great too! So how did I gain back those 65lbs and and almost another 100lb afterwards? YIKES!
I know now, I have a lot of avoidance techniques, and over the years I have mastered them! Avoidance techniques such as, not looking in the mirror, or not looking at my naked body, avoiding my reflection in windows and shadows. I avoided. I didn't want to know that I was out of control, and I didn't want to see myself, the way I truly was. Slowly in time, I have seen how it has impacted my life in many ways. Avoiding family get togethers, binge eating, avoiding activities such as walking/gym and being more sedentary in general. I also avoided going to social events with friends, or family knowing what a shocker my weight gain would be, and how ugly I would feel, how ashamed I would feel for the way I look. So I avoided. Avoided allot! 160lbs of avoidance!!
I have come to the realization the past few months, just how much of life I have missed out of, because of my weight and because of the emotions that go with carrying this extra weight. I don't want to loose out on "living" anymore, I refuse to. Today I am 311 lbs, I have accepted this. I have also accepted that I want to change, for me. I also have accepted that this may take some time, and here is the shocker....I won't be skinny tomorrow :O LOL. It took me many years to get to this point, and I am sure it will take some time to get where I feel and look "healthy."
I am prepared for this journey to transform my mind body and soul. I am ready to make to the changes that will enable me to meet my weight loss goals, and to find exercises that I actually "enjoy" somewhat lol. I am prepared to have fun with this along the way, and to learn more from myself then I ever have! I hope you will enjoy reading about my story, and I hope by opening up through blogging I will have inspired just one person. This is my journey. This is my beginning.
Quote:
"Nothing changes, if nothing changes" unknown.
This is my story, one blog at a time.....
Weight has always been a struggle for me, for as long as I can remember. Today I weigh 311 lbs. At 5’8 that is defined as morbidly obese, actually anything over 180lbs at my height is morbidly obese! I don’t want to be labeled or categorized as this, and “morbid” let’s face it sounds “morbid” lol.
More importantly, I’ve realized more then ever, just how much of life I have missed out on because of my weight, and the feelings that are associated with it. Feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger towards myself for allowing myself to get to this point. So, how did I get here? Well here is my story....
I have aloud myself to get to this point by denial and avoidance. I have made excuses by putting people and things before myself, and fixing my health. I have been in denial for sometime now, and have been over the 300lb mark for over 3 years now, at my highest 330lb. Shocking.
I remember when I was about 16 years old, and at that time I weighed around 240lbs, my heaviest at that time, promising myself never to hit that number again nor see it. I lost a modest 65 lbs, and was in the low 170's for graduation, by eating right and exercising. I worked hard to look good for my high school graduation, and I did look great, I felt great too! So how did I gain back those 65lbs and and almost another 100lb afterwards? YIKES!
I know now, I have a lot of avoidance techniques, and over the years I have mastered them! Avoidance techniques such as, not looking in the mirror, or not looking at my naked body, avoiding my reflection in windows and shadows. I avoided. I didn't want to know that I was out of control, and I didn't want to see myself, the way I truly was. Slowly in time, I have seen how it has impacted my life in many ways. Avoiding family get togethers, binge eating, avoiding activities such as walking/gym and being more sedentary in general. I also avoided going to social events with friends, or family knowing what a shocker my weight gain would be, and how ugly I would feel, how ashamed I would feel for the way I look. So I avoided. Avoided allot! 160lbs of avoidance!!
I have come to the realization the past few months, just how much of life I have missed out of, because of my weight and because of the emotions that go with carrying this extra weight. I don't want to loose out on "living" anymore, I refuse to. Today I am 311 lbs, I have accepted this. I have also accepted that I want to change, for me. I also have accepted that this may take some time, and here is the shocker....I won't be skinny tomorrow :O LOL. It took me many years to get to this point, and I am sure it will take some time to get where I feel and look "healthy."
I am prepared for this journey to transform my mind body and soul. I am ready to make to the changes that will enable me to meet my weight loss goals, and to find exercises that I actually "enjoy" somewhat lol. I am prepared to have fun with this along the way, and to learn more from myself then I ever have! I hope you will enjoy reading about my story, and I hope by opening up through blogging I will have inspired just one person. This is my journey. This is my beginning.
Quote:
"Nothing changes, if nothing changes" unknown.
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