With 2009 just around the corner, I have been reflecting on goals of the past, the present and the future. What do I want to accomplish? What do I want to change? What is important for me to accomplish?
I am entering 2009 stronger, lighter, motivated and determined to reach my health goals. How I will exit the year will be determined. I have a choice to make. I can choice the familiar path, “The Path of the Past” or I can continue on my new path which I refer to as “The Path of Awareness”.
Point is-I have a choice to make. I can only change my life, and I can only choose the life I want to live. I can go through life unhealthy, unhappy or I can choose to work hard and to make changes to have the life I want. I want to be healthy; I want to be a better version of “Me”. So here is my official 2009 Wish List! *Drum roll please*
2009 Wish List!
1. Put my health as my TOP priority.
2. Move more! Find exercises that I will enjoy, and do them!
3. Stay SMOKE FREE!
4. Read more!
5. Learn/try Meditation as a way to reduce stress and to stay focused.
6. Go to Europe!!! Not letting my weight interfere with life any longer. Living the life I imagined.
7. Go to Weight Watchers meetings, every week.
8. Learn to jump back on the path and stay focus. View setbacks as lessons, and roadblocks as a tool to show me my determination of my goal. “Never Never Never, Give up”
9. Try new things, be more adventurous in activity and life. Buy a bike this summer, find new activities to enjoy to keep myself interested.
10. Continue to figure out “Me”. I am much more in tune with myself, and understand myself better then I have ever had in my life. Continue with getting to know me, and figuring out my path.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Like it or Not, 2009 Will be Here!
Where did 2008 go? Hard to believe it is that time of the year already, and 2009 will be here, like it or not! Thought I would take the time to reflect on 2008, and to make new goals for the year ahead. I love to write things down, and to reinvent myself, seems like I have been doing a lot of reinventing lately. So what did I do for my mind, body and soul last year?
2008: The Year of Awareness
I started the new year with great hopes for 2008. Hopes for change, hopes to reinvent myself. Some goals I set in time frames, others where unplanned and happened along the way. Needless to say some goals where met, while others never were no more then a thought. One major thing I noticed going into 2008-I was not happy. I was very unhappy actually. I call 2008 "The Year of Awareness", and really it was a life changing year.
First off, change didn't occur suddenly. Change took months to realize that A)I wasn't happy B) I need to find out what is making me so unhappy. C) Change it!.
I realized just how unhappy I was with myself, and my health. I started 2008 depressed, obese, a smoker, and unhappy with many areas in my life including: My self esteem, my health, my career.
In February 2008, I made "another" attempt at quitting smoking. I quit smoking early February, and found it quite easy using the prescription drug Champix. It made quitting quite comfortable, and eased the symptoms of withdrawal to nearly nothing-amazing really. However like any pill, I can push them, but I have troubles taking them-as well as taking them as prescribed! It's what us Nurses call our patients "Non-Compliant" lol.
I managed to stay smoke free for about 6-7 months. While on Champix, my anxiety seemed to be at bay, I was able to stay in control, and make healthier choices. However off the drug, and possibly due to abruptly stopping, my anxiety got worse. I struggled with food vs smoking which was quite difficult. Seemed like I was in a constant battle to control eating or smoking. I started and stopped smoking several more times during the summer and fall months, and in November I stopped again completely.
Another aspect that changed was my job and my schedule. I am used to working around the clock, and any day of the week-however after a few years at my current job, I was stressed unhappy and ready for a change. I applied for several jobs, in different departments. I decided to go with a permanent position in Mental Health, but as a "Float Nurse” with a much better schedule. Now I work 2 days, 2 nights and 5 off. I find the switch from days to nights doable, and better for my sleep schedule and well being. I am much happier in my current position, although it changed slightly lol, but much happier with my new schedule.
In regards to my health, it wasn't until June 2008 that I really started to make significant mental changes. I started to change the way I was thinking. I started this blog, went to counseling, to read books regarding my emotional and mental health, joined Weight Watchers. I learned to ask for help. I became more aware of what I was doing to myself, as I had been avoiding for so long. I started to put my energies into more positive aspects of my life: Changing myself emotionally and physically.
I have ended 2008 and feel much more confident then when I began 2008. Change takes time, and time allows us to reflect. I constantly reflect. I have to find what will work for me. Sometimes road blocks get in the way, of staying on track. Road blocks are hidden lessons for us. They show us how determined we are to achieve our goals. They are lessons. Road blocks give us choices: Either we give up, or we become more determined.
I entered 2008 feeling lost, sad, unmotivated, and unhealthy. I am leaving 2008 lighter, healthier, smoke free and motivated. Can I ask for a better start for 2009?
2008: The Year of Awareness
I started the new year with great hopes for 2008. Hopes for change, hopes to reinvent myself. Some goals I set in time frames, others where unplanned and happened along the way. Needless to say some goals where met, while others never were no more then a thought. One major thing I noticed going into 2008-I was not happy. I was very unhappy actually. I call 2008 "The Year of Awareness", and really it was a life changing year.
First off, change didn't occur suddenly. Change took months to realize that A)I wasn't happy B) I need to find out what is making me so unhappy. C) Change it!.
I realized just how unhappy I was with myself, and my health. I started 2008 depressed, obese, a smoker, and unhappy with many areas in my life including: My self esteem, my health, my career.
In February 2008, I made "another" attempt at quitting smoking. I quit smoking early February, and found it quite easy using the prescription drug Champix. It made quitting quite comfortable, and eased the symptoms of withdrawal to nearly nothing-amazing really. However like any pill, I can push them, but I have troubles taking them-as well as taking them as prescribed! It's what us Nurses call our patients "Non-Compliant" lol.
I managed to stay smoke free for about 6-7 months. While on Champix, my anxiety seemed to be at bay, I was able to stay in control, and make healthier choices. However off the drug, and possibly due to abruptly stopping, my anxiety got worse. I struggled with food vs smoking which was quite difficult. Seemed like I was in a constant battle to control eating or smoking. I started and stopped smoking several more times during the summer and fall months, and in November I stopped again completely.
Another aspect that changed was my job and my schedule. I am used to working around the clock, and any day of the week-however after a few years at my current job, I was stressed unhappy and ready for a change. I applied for several jobs, in different departments. I decided to go with a permanent position in Mental Health, but as a "Float Nurse” with a much better schedule. Now I work 2 days, 2 nights and 5 off. I find the switch from days to nights doable, and better for my sleep schedule and well being. I am much happier in my current position, although it changed slightly lol, but much happier with my new schedule.
In regards to my health, it wasn't until June 2008 that I really started to make significant mental changes. I started to change the way I was thinking. I started this blog, went to counseling, to read books regarding my emotional and mental health, joined Weight Watchers. I learned to ask for help. I became more aware of what I was doing to myself, as I had been avoiding for so long. I started to put my energies into more positive aspects of my life: Changing myself emotionally and physically.
I have ended 2008 and feel much more confident then when I began 2008. Change takes time, and time allows us to reflect. I constantly reflect. I have to find what will work for me. Sometimes road blocks get in the way, of staying on track. Road blocks are hidden lessons for us. They show us how determined we are to achieve our goals. They are lessons. Road blocks give us choices: Either we give up, or we become more determined.
I entered 2008 feeling lost, sad, unmotivated, and unhealthy. I am leaving 2008 lighter, healthier, smoke free and motivated. Can I ask for a better start for 2009?
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Staying Motivated During the Holidays!
Well, it's that time of year again-Christmas. As much as I am looking forward to spend time with my family and friends, I know I have to prepare to get myself through this, the sweets that is.
Here's a confession: I had chocolate last night, 6 Lindor chocolates and a chocolate bar the day before. Sigh. I could beat myself up about it, but I won't, I know it could have been much much worse!! Typically around this time of year, there are tempting foods EVERYWHERE, and there are decisions to make. I can remember in past years how easy it was to cope with the stress and anxiety of the holidays, and how I would binge myself though them.
Typically this is what happened. I would purchase chocolate for loved ones and purchase chocolate/sweets for myself, and eat both. I remember having to buy the same chocolate or a different treat several times over because Christmas couldn't arrive soon enough. I would even go to great lengths of wrapping the chocolate, and at times, would open the "present" and eat it. It is deffinately a eye opener reading this, and admiting it.
I made it through Halloween safely minus a few mini chocolates. I had a game plan. I didn't buy ANY chocolate this year, despite how great it is to see chocolate go on sale 50% off. Sigh. Part of the problem for me at Christmas, is purchasing loved ones gifts of food. I told myself I wasn't going to buy ANY gifts of food this year, and caved when i saw Lindor chocolates on for 50% off at Homesence. That should be a crime itself!
I must say however, in the last 2 months, I can probably count on my one hand the amount of chocolate I have consumed. My cravings for junk food/sweets have diminished since I've started to eat healthy, and that is great! I might still be a chocolate-o-holic underneath, but I know I have more self control then I ever have had in my life-which is quite powerful.
As I sit here and type this, I can see that bag of Lindor chocolates-which reminds me of many boxes of "Christmas chocolates" that I would have eaten. Makes me laugh-really. I can see how I have changed many aspects of my eating, and then I can see how old habits can creep up. Coupled with "my time of the month" I am in a VERY vulnerable time period here!
There will be many more times in my life where I will be faced with decisions, and temptations. I am definitely a rookie when it comes to permanent weight loss, I have so much to learn yet. So when I stare at that bag of Lindor chocolates, I have a decision to make. Do I want to stay in the past?...or...Do I want to change for the future?
I choose the future.
Here's a confession: I had chocolate last night, 6 Lindor chocolates and a chocolate bar the day before. Sigh. I could beat myself up about it, but I won't, I know it could have been much much worse!! Typically around this time of year, there are tempting foods EVERYWHERE, and there are decisions to make. I can remember in past years how easy it was to cope with the stress and anxiety of the holidays, and how I would binge myself though them.
Typically this is what happened. I would purchase chocolate for loved ones and purchase chocolate/sweets for myself, and eat both. I remember having to buy the same chocolate or a different treat several times over because Christmas couldn't arrive soon enough. I would even go to great lengths of wrapping the chocolate, and at times, would open the "present" and eat it. It is deffinately a eye opener reading this, and admiting it.
I made it through Halloween safely minus a few mini chocolates. I had a game plan. I didn't buy ANY chocolate this year, despite how great it is to see chocolate go on sale 50% off. Sigh. Part of the problem for me at Christmas, is purchasing loved ones gifts of food. I told myself I wasn't going to buy ANY gifts of food this year, and caved when i saw Lindor chocolates on for 50% off at Homesence. That should be a crime itself!
I must say however, in the last 2 months, I can probably count on my one hand the amount of chocolate I have consumed. My cravings for junk food/sweets have diminished since I've started to eat healthy, and that is great! I might still be a chocolate-o-holic underneath, but I know I have more self control then I ever have had in my life-which is quite powerful.
As I sit here and type this, I can see that bag of Lindor chocolates-which reminds me of many boxes of "Christmas chocolates" that I would have eaten. Makes me laugh-really. I can see how I have changed many aspects of my eating, and then I can see how old habits can creep up. Coupled with "my time of the month" I am in a VERY vulnerable time period here!
There will be many more times in my life where I will be faced with decisions, and temptations. I am definitely a rookie when it comes to permanent weight loss, I have so much to learn yet. So when I stare at that bag of Lindor chocolates, I have a decision to make. Do I want to stay in the past?...or...Do I want to change for the future?
I choose the future.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
JOINED WEIGHT WATCHERS!
Well folks, it happened-I officially joined Weight Watchers yesterday. I am totally pumped. There was a bit of a delay there, and I ended up booking a appointment with my MD. Earlier this week, I had a few asthmatic attacks. I have tonnes of allergies, unfortunately none are food allergies lol. I've had a few of these in the past: Wake up from sleep-tightness in chest, difficulties getting a full breath, coughing, and wheezing. So I have a puffer now...woo hoo! Needless to say, I got the note.
Unfortunately I did not know that this note was only for "packages" that you could buy and not for members who pay weekly. They cut me some slack though, and allowed me to pay week by week, and wave the start up fee. I went to the meeting right after working a night shift and went to the first available meeting at 8 a.m. I felt a bit out of place, and a total newbie-but I did it! I chose to go to the same location as I first did a few weeks prior, which helped me feel more comfortable.
So, I plan to go to a few meetings this week to get used to the program, and to try out another location. The speaker is wonderful at the main center on Westmount, tonnes of energy! Well I'll post after my first "official"week, and let you know how it goes!
Unfortunately I did not know that this note was only for "packages" that you could buy and not for members who pay weekly. They cut me some slack though, and allowed me to pay week by week, and wave the start up fee. I went to the meeting right after working a night shift and went to the first available meeting at 8 a.m. I felt a bit out of place, and a total newbie-but I did it! I chose to go to the same location as I first did a few weeks prior, which helped me feel more comfortable.
So, I plan to go to a few meetings this week to get used to the program, and to try out another location. The speaker is wonderful at the main center on Westmount, tonnes of energy! Well I'll post after my first "official"week, and let you know how it goes!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Book: Shrink Yourself-Break free from emotional eating forever! By Dr. Roger Gould
Emotional Eating
It wasn't until recently that I put 2 and 2 together when it comes to emotional eating. I mean, i've always knew that I would consider myself a "emotional eater" but I never really thought hard on what exactly that meant.
As you all know I have been looking further into this topic, and see my life much more clearer now. I can remember telling close friends"I don't want a quick fix, I just want to loose weight and for it to just CLICK". Think I found my "click".
I am a nurse and work in psychiatry full time. As most nursing jobs are stressful, psychiatry can be quite emotionally stressful for the most part. I wanted to explore emotional vs physical hunger, and was looking for a great book written by a psychologist. After researching (me not research....pshhh!) I found this wonderful book.
I am probably about 25% into the book at this point. I have to say, that right from the start it was like the book was written about me, almost like I had written it myself. This book is quite empowering. Sure a quick fix diet sounds great. I used to love to imagine myself awaking from a dream, and the next morning I would be thin. Go figure, that dream didn't happen!! However, I feel that this is a great tool for me to remain successful in weight loss as well as in maintence.
It is quite a empowering book I must say. It looks at all the psychological blocks that are in our life, that contribute to emotional eating. It addresses the REASONS for eating, specifically figuring out your own reasons why you overeat. With out this awareness, no matter how much you "diet" I don't feel my weight loss attmpts will ever be "cured". I feel awakened I must say, and feel like I truly GET IT!.
Will update when further into the book!
It wasn't until recently that I put 2 and 2 together when it comes to emotional eating. I mean, i've always knew that I would consider myself a "emotional eater" but I never really thought hard on what exactly that meant.
As you all know I have been looking further into this topic, and see my life much more clearer now. I can remember telling close friends"I don't want a quick fix, I just want to loose weight and for it to just CLICK". Think I found my "click".
I am a nurse and work in psychiatry full time. As most nursing jobs are stressful, psychiatry can be quite emotionally stressful for the most part. I wanted to explore emotional vs physical hunger, and was looking for a great book written by a psychologist. After researching (me not research....pshhh!) I found this wonderful book.
I am probably about 25% into the book at this point. I have to say, that right from the start it was like the book was written about me, almost like I had written it myself. This book is quite empowering. Sure a quick fix diet sounds great. I used to love to imagine myself awaking from a dream, and the next morning I would be thin. Go figure, that dream didn't happen!! However, I feel that this is a great tool for me to remain successful in weight loss as well as in maintence.
It is quite a empowering book I must say. It looks at all the psychological blocks that are in our life, that contribute to emotional eating. It addresses the REASONS for eating, specifically figuring out your own reasons why you overeat. With out this awareness, no matter how much you "diet" I don't feel my weight loss attmpts will ever be "cured". I feel awakened I must say, and feel like I truly GET IT!.
Will update when further into the book!
Actually...36lbs gone!
Just thought I'd give myself a e-sticker! How exciting!! The scale has been going up and down all week, I keep telling myself not to check it..BUT i do lol. It was my time of the month last week, i am sure that had some to do with the ups. Guess Ill have to see this week, see what the ACTUAL number is. As for now 36lbs down in total, I feel great!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
A New DO!
Yesterday I was on my way to get groceries, and instead I drove further into the plaza and headed right to the hair salon. I cant recall the last time I had my hair cut professionally (I say professionally, because I have cut my hair myself at times lol just the bangs for the most part.)
Needless to say, it's probably been about a year now, or longer! I was lucky enough to get a appointment as soon as I arrived. I must say I was scared initially, as usual! I have had terrible luck in the past finding a good hairdresser, and feel that I have never "connected" to a hairdresser before, until I met France. The moment we met, she spoke of the same ideas I had in mind (many layers, keeping the length long). She even ran to find me the picture that she was thinking of, and I absolutely loved it.
Finally I thought to myself, I actually found "my hairdresser!" France did a great job I must say. I did see at times 8 inches or more in length of layers falling to floor in a frizzy furball of my hair on the floor, which was both freeing and scary as hell!
Point is- I feel better with the haircut, and it lifted my spirits. Often I forget what the acts of self love, and self care feel like. More then too many times, I have forgotten to take care of myself. I must say, it feels DAMN GOOD!. I have told myself not too long ago, that I will seize on buying items for my home, as there is nothing else I truly need. Instead of decorating my home, I am going to decorate something even better-Myself.
Needless to say, it's probably been about a year now, or longer! I was lucky enough to get a appointment as soon as I arrived. I must say I was scared initially, as usual! I have had terrible luck in the past finding a good hairdresser, and feel that I have never "connected" to a hairdresser before, until I met France. The moment we met, she spoke of the same ideas I had in mind (many layers, keeping the length long). She even ran to find me the picture that she was thinking of, and I absolutely loved it.
Finally I thought to myself, I actually found "my hairdresser!" France did a great job I must say. I did see at times 8 inches or more in length of layers falling to floor in a frizzy furball of my hair on the floor, which was both freeing and scary as hell!
Point is- I feel better with the haircut, and it lifted my spirits. Often I forget what the acts of self love, and self care feel like. More then too many times, I have forgotten to take care of myself. I must say, it feels DAMN GOOD!. I have told myself not too long ago, that I will seize on buying items for my home, as there is nothing else I truly need. Instead of decorating my home, I am going to decorate something even better-Myself.
First Weight Watchers Meeting!
I was talking to a good friend of mine Alissa, and we decided that we would go to a Weight Watchers group this morning. We planned this at 1:30 a.m while she was working a night shift, and chose to go to the first meeting at 8:00 a.m. 4 hours of sleep, 6:30 a.m came pretty fast, but I was really looking forward to go to my first meeting, and even better with a friend.
I heard my phone ring clost to 7:00 a.m, and it was Alissa. She was calling to make sure I was up, and was hoping that I didn't want to go lol. Working night shifts for me are very difficult after 3:00 a.m, so I knew she was tired!. No excuses from me, I was up- However i was 4 hours more rested then she was lol.
I have to say, I really enjoyed the meeting. It was better then I expected, and a much better turn out then what I invisioned. There was probably aproximently 30 men and woman there. For some reason I expected to see, much more over weight people like myself. I was quite surprized that there were only a few other people that I could even identify with, even more surprized at several people who have met there goal weight or are almost there.
After the meeting we spoke to the receptionist and were given some information on pricing etc. I have to admit, right from the start I thought that the meetings were quite pricey. However, I know I need to find what is going to work, and I am willing to do it at any price or sacrafice (whether its cash or cookies lol). Alissa had just bought a new home with her husband last month, and for her the best option seems to be to follow the program with me, but not to go to the meetings.
The accountabiliy, support, and tips is what I know I need, and the more the better. Not only that, but my competitive side wants to loose 5lbs to get a sticker! I've never wanted a sticker so bad in my life, and not only 1, I want 30 stickers to be exact. That's insane! lol I just have to keep telling myself, "One sticker at a time Sarah, one sticker!".
So I plan to join on Monday, and luckily one of my best buds mom is a MD. I am going to get a note quickly from her to join and to wave the $25- fee. Hey anything helps! It beats calling my MD for a note, and having to wait a week or two.
I am trying to get the knack of the points system, I know right now I require 39. I havn't put this to test though to see what 39 points of food looks like, but I soon will.
I am happy that I went today, and think this will be another vital component to loosing the weight, and keeping it off!
I heard my phone ring clost to 7:00 a.m, and it was Alissa. She was calling to make sure I was up, and was hoping that I didn't want to go lol. Working night shifts for me are very difficult after 3:00 a.m, so I knew she was tired!. No excuses from me, I was up- However i was 4 hours more rested then she was lol.
I have to say, I really enjoyed the meeting. It was better then I expected, and a much better turn out then what I invisioned. There was probably aproximently 30 men and woman there. For some reason I expected to see, much more over weight people like myself. I was quite surprized that there were only a few other people that I could even identify with, even more surprized at several people who have met there goal weight or are almost there.
After the meeting we spoke to the receptionist and were given some information on pricing etc. I have to admit, right from the start I thought that the meetings were quite pricey. However, I know I need to find what is going to work, and I am willing to do it at any price or sacrafice (whether its cash or cookies lol). Alissa had just bought a new home with her husband last month, and for her the best option seems to be to follow the program with me, but not to go to the meetings.
The accountabiliy, support, and tips is what I know I need, and the more the better. Not only that, but my competitive side wants to loose 5lbs to get a sticker! I've never wanted a sticker so bad in my life, and not only 1, I want 30 stickers to be exact. That's insane! lol I just have to keep telling myself, "One sticker at a time Sarah, one sticker!".
So I plan to join on Monday, and luckily one of my best buds mom is a MD. I am going to get a note quickly from her to join and to wave the $25- fee. Hey anything helps! It beats calling my MD for a note, and having to wait a week or two.
I am trying to get the knack of the points system, I know right now I require 39. I havn't put this to test though to see what 39 points of food looks like, but I soon will.
I am happy that I went today, and think this will be another vital component to loosing the weight, and keeping it off!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Emotionally Hungry
Emotional Hunger VS Physical Hunger:
It was until recently that I have thought about the differences between being emotionally hungry and physically hungry. I want to explore this idea, and work on replacing the emotionally hungry me, and listen to myself when I am physically hungry.
I can remember a long stretch of time when I would feed my emotions, and not feed my body to for nourishment, for fuel. When I think back to the period of time between age 22 and age 26, there were countless times where I would not feel physically hungry. You are probably thinking to yourself, "But everyone FEELS hungry". The problem was is I was ALWAYS full. I would eat, eat and eat some more and would have very little cues from my body that I was actually "hungry".
During these years, I would nourish and fuel my body with unhealthy choices. I would eat through emotions I was feeling such as: Happiness, sadness, anxiety, anger, boredom, fatigue, loneliness. Feeding the emotions, instead of feeling the emotions; I trained myself to stuff myself full of foods, instead of dealing with my feelings.
I had another "eye opener" the other day. My Grandmother passed away last Sunday. I hadn't seen her in the retirement home for some time, and knew that she was declining mentally and physically with dementia. My Mom had called me the day before, and had told me she is not doing well, and that it probably would not be long before she would pass. I had been working nights that weekend, and my kitchen faucet had broken. Needless to say dishes were piling and piling up in a few days. I made the decision to see her Monday to say my goodbyes. Unfortunately, she passed away Sunday night. I went through many emotions this week. Angry at myself for not seeing her the day before. Feelings of guilt, for not visiting her as much as I thought I should have. Sadness, because I missed her.
I remember before I called my mom back Monday morning, I made myself 2 English muffins (whole grain of course! lol) with butter AND peanut butter. For those that don't know me, this is one of my favorite foods. Toasting the toast, almost until it is burnt, and using a little more then lightly buttering a piece of toast, with a thin layer of peanut butter. I toasted my toast, but I couldn't wait for it to get to the darkness that I desired, it wasn't toasting fast enough. I popped the first English muffin out of the toaster too early for my liking and popped the next one in the toaster. I took both of these buttered/peanut butter goodness up to my room. I remember eating the English muffins very vaguely. I did not savor the taste. I ate quicker then normal. I was feeling upset, crying, anxious because I was going to call my mom and "officially" hear that Grandma was no longer with us.
Prior to calling, I said to myself that I wasn't hungry. However, I made the decision to make this food to comfort me, to deal with the emotion, and I stuffed them down in record time!. You may be reading this and be saying "2 English muffins, that's a binge? I eat ___ bags/pieces/servings of___ food, 2 English muffins is nothing". The point here is that it is something. It was a eye opener for me on years of emotional eating. Sure this "binge" was minimal. typically it could be eating a box of cookies during the course of the day, crackers and cheese, pizza, fast food in large quantities. However, I was aware this time. I was awakened by this, that I do feed my emotions.
After I scarfed down the muffins, I didn't feel guilty about it. I felt awakened. I began to run through stressful/emotional times in my life where I would react in this way. I realized that I have to pay more attention to my emotions, and work through those feelings instead of eating through them. I have never really seen that connection.
This awareness is going to be a key component to aid in my weight loss and maintenance. I will have to practice it daily, and recognize it as a habit I have taught myself for years. Listening to my body for hunger cues, and fueling my body to live, instead of feeding emotions will take some work, but I am ready for this! Awareness isn't denial. Awareness is empowering!
It was until recently that I have thought about the differences between being emotionally hungry and physically hungry. I want to explore this idea, and work on replacing the emotionally hungry me, and listen to myself when I am physically hungry.
I can remember a long stretch of time when I would feed my emotions, and not feed my body to for nourishment, for fuel. When I think back to the period of time between age 22 and age 26, there were countless times where I would not feel physically hungry. You are probably thinking to yourself, "But everyone FEELS hungry". The problem was is I was ALWAYS full. I would eat, eat and eat some more and would have very little cues from my body that I was actually "hungry".
During these years, I would nourish and fuel my body with unhealthy choices. I would eat through emotions I was feeling such as: Happiness, sadness, anxiety, anger, boredom, fatigue, loneliness. Feeding the emotions, instead of feeling the emotions; I trained myself to stuff myself full of foods, instead of dealing with my feelings.
I had another "eye opener" the other day. My Grandmother passed away last Sunday. I hadn't seen her in the retirement home for some time, and knew that she was declining mentally and physically with dementia. My Mom had called me the day before, and had told me she is not doing well, and that it probably would not be long before she would pass. I had been working nights that weekend, and my kitchen faucet had broken. Needless to say dishes were piling and piling up in a few days. I made the decision to see her Monday to say my goodbyes. Unfortunately, she passed away Sunday night. I went through many emotions this week. Angry at myself for not seeing her the day before. Feelings of guilt, for not visiting her as much as I thought I should have. Sadness, because I missed her.
I remember before I called my mom back Monday morning, I made myself 2 English muffins (whole grain of course! lol) with butter AND peanut butter. For those that don't know me, this is one of my favorite foods. Toasting the toast, almost until it is burnt, and using a little more then lightly buttering a piece of toast, with a thin layer of peanut butter. I toasted my toast, but I couldn't wait for it to get to the darkness that I desired, it wasn't toasting fast enough. I popped the first English muffin out of the toaster too early for my liking and popped the next one in the toaster. I took both of these buttered/peanut butter goodness up to my room. I remember eating the English muffins very vaguely. I did not savor the taste. I ate quicker then normal. I was feeling upset, crying, anxious because I was going to call my mom and "officially" hear that Grandma was no longer with us.
Prior to calling, I said to myself that I wasn't hungry. However, I made the decision to make this food to comfort me, to deal with the emotion, and I stuffed them down in record time!. You may be reading this and be saying "2 English muffins, that's a binge? I eat ___ bags/pieces/servings of___ food, 2 English muffins is nothing". The point here is that it is something. It was a eye opener for me on years of emotional eating. Sure this "binge" was minimal. typically it could be eating a box of cookies during the course of the day, crackers and cheese, pizza, fast food in large quantities. However, I was aware this time. I was awakened by this, that I do feed my emotions.
After I scarfed down the muffins, I didn't feel guilty about it. I felt awakened. I began to run through stressful/emotional times in my life where I would react in this way. I realized that I have to pay more attention to my emotions, and work through those feelings instead of eating through them. I have never really seen that connection.
This awareness is going to be a key component to aid in my weight loss and maintenance. I will have to practice it daily, and recognize it as a habit I have taught myself for years. Listening to my body for hunger cues, and fueling my body to live, instead of feeding emotions will take some work, but I am ready for this! Awareness isn't denial. Awareness is empowering!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
ASKING FOR HELP!
I've been thinking about all aspects of weight loss:Food, exercise, behavioral and support systems. I think all 4 are equally important, and will determine one's success in long term weight loss.
I am quite a independent woman, and I have always put more on my plate then I can handle (pun intended lol) Plain and simple, I don't like to ask for help-detest it really. I like to do it all on my own, but realize as great as this quality can be in personal development, it also works against me. I have worked 2 jobs and gone to school both full time and part time. I have sacrafised many aspects of my life to be where I am today. Unfortunately my health has suffered the most, being on the back burner, and coping skills for stress, turned to emotional eating.
Why do I do this? To prove to myself I can in fact do anything, and everything. In turn this acts against me, it adds added stress to the equation, and often unnecessary stress. Stress in turn leads to my uncontrollable urge to reach for foods that are not healthy, processed-sugar filled foods, due to the lack of postive coping skills. I have realized that this is a area I must address. More so, I realize this is a area I feel I need to reach out and ask for help.
I've decided to address all areas of my health including emotional, physical, support, and eating a balanced diet. I have asked for help, and not to my surprize help arrived! I've decided that counselling will be good for my mind, my soul to address issues from the past and present that I have struggled with. I've met with this woman, Cheryl yesterday and found how empowered I felt after our first session. Empowered to talk to this total stranger about all the good and bad that has occured in my life, and to set myself free of these emotional traps I am in.
Talking to her, I allowed myself to be vulnerable. I opened up my heart, and a used a whole lotta tissue!! lol I left feeling empowered, and emotionally tired, almost as if I ran a 100 miles, for those who don't know me, I couldn't run even 1 mile at this point lol.
Not only that, I have looked into joining weight watchers. Asking others around me how they have found the program, reading the material etc, researching-which those who know me, I love to do lol. I feel this will be a great supportive atmophere for me, and I will meet like minded people, with common goals, and hopefully surround myself with new people in my life.
Let's face it, loosing weight by myself, on my own would be wonderful! However, loosing weight and having "my team" of professionals and like minded people, will help make this journey much more enjoyable!
Lesson learned here: It's o.k to ask for help!
I am quite a independent woman, and I have always put more on my plate then I can handle (pun intended lol) Plain and simple, I don't like to ask for help-detest it really. I like to do it all on my own, but realize as great as this quality can be in personal development, it also works against me. I have worked 2 jobs and gone to school both full time and part time. I have sacrafised many aspects of my life to be where I am today. Unfortunately my health has suffered the most, being on the back burner, and coping skills for stress, turned to emotional eating.
Why do I do this? To prove to myself I can in fact do anything, and everything. In turn this acts against me, it adds added stress to the equation, and often unnecessary stress. Stress in turn leads to my uncontrollable urge to reach for foods that are not healthy, processed-sugar filled foods, due to the lack of postive coping skills. I have realized that this is a area I must address. More so, I realize this is a area I feel I need to reach out and ask for help.
I've decided to address all areas of my health including emotional, physical, support, and eating a balanced diet. I have asked for help, and not to my surprize help arrived! I've decided that counselling will be good for my mind, my soul to address issues from the past and present that I have struggled with. I've met with this woman, Cheryl yesterday and found how empowered I felt after our first session. Empowered to talk to this total stranger about all the good and bad that has occured in my life, and to set myself free of these emotional traps I am in.
Talking to her, I allowed myself to be vulnerable. I opened up my heart, and a used a whole lotta tissue!! lol I left feeling empowered, and emotionally tired, almost as if I ran a 100 miles, for those who don't know me, I couldn't run even 1 mile at this point lol.
Not only that, I have looked into joining weight watchers. Asking others around me how they have found the program, reading the material etc, researching-which those who know me, I love to do lol. I feel this will be a great supportive atmophere for me, and I will meet like minded people, with common goals, and hopefully surround myself with new people in my life.
Let's face it, loosing weight by myself, on my own would be wonderful! However, loosing weight and having "my team" of professionals and like minded people, will help make this journey much more enjoyable!
Lesson learned here: It's o.k to ask for help!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
10 Secrets of Thin People!
This article caught my eye, and I thought I would share! Simple rules we already know that totally make sence.
I know personally, a lot of these "secrets" I have struggled with, through avoidance. One rule that particularly stands out is emotional eating. I have been aware with the emotional connection between overeating and my feelings. Unfortunately, have to be aware of this constantly, as it is a automatic habit.
Repeating actions thousands of times, becomes a habit; and habits become a way of life. I want to search deeper within myself, and look how I deal with emotions and overeating. Hopefully after a few thousand times lol, my reaction to emtions that I feel will be in a automatic "healthy" way of living.
1.They don't diet
Small amount of food on a plate or at least not in the traditional, all-or-nothing, deprivation sense of the word. "You need to get rid of that diet mentality and realize that what you are doing is making a permanent lifestyle change," says Anne Fletcher, M.S., R.D., author of the Thin for Life book series. She adds, "You do have to cut back on calories if you want to stay thin, but it's about reassessing what you eat and being more sensible in your choices, not about a quick-fix, crazy diet." Research has also shown that thin people tend to have a better quality diet than those who are overweight. They eat more fruits and vegetables and more fiber, and drink more water—all healthy things that provide more food volume for the number of calories.
2.They keep track of their weight
Thin people know how much they weigh, and they monitor that number by stepping on the scale frequently. It's not about a having an unhealthy fixation on that number on the scale, but it's a way to catch a 5-pound gain before it suddenly turns into a 20-pound gain. "Aim to keep your weight within a five-pound range, and if you see it go above that buffer zone, make sure you have an immediate plan of action for how to address it," suggests Fletcher.
3.They exercise regularly
"In my research, 9 out of 10 people who've lost weight and maintained it exercise regularly and make it a critical part of their lives," says Fletcher. Even if you've never been a fitness fanatic, it's not too late to get moving. Even taking a few 15-minute walks throughout the day will be a move in the right direction. Once you start to enjoy the mood-boosting and calorie-burning advantages of exercise, start looking for ways to keep your workouts interesting. Join a local gym and try a variety of classes and cardio machines, find friends to walk with, or experiment with at-home exercise DVDs.
4.They don't solve problems with
Almost everyone is guilty of occasionally drowning their sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry's or taking out frustration on a batch of brownies, but thin people definitely don't make it a habit. "They tend not to eat purely for emotional reasons," says Fletcher. When you are upset (or bored, lonely, frustrated or angry), she suggests asking yourself: Is food really going to solve the problem, or will it just end up making you feel worse after you finish eating? Chances are, the food won't fix what's bothering you, so it's important to come up with a list of other small pleasures you can turn to instead of food. Some ideas include going for a walk, watching a movie, calling a friend, playing with your kids, or taking a bubble bath.
5.They stop eating when they're full
Most thin people are not members of the clean-plate club. Instead of mindlessly eating however much they are served, they pay attention to internal hunger cues and satiety. "Thin people are tuned into noticing when they are satisfied, and they stop eating even if there is food left," says Jill Fleming, M.S., R.D., author of Thin People Don't Clean Their Plates (Inspiration Presentations Press, 2005). "They often report that they don't like that feeling of being uncomfortably full, so they've learned how to stop before they reach it."
6.They don't surround themselves with food
Rather than stocking the cupboards with junk food, thin people's kitchens tend to be filled with healthy foods. That doesn't mean you can never have any indulgences in the house, just that you shouldn't have so many that you're likely to overeat them. For example, if you love to bake, give most of your sweets away to friends, or have your kids bring them to school or soccer practice, leaving just a few behind to enjoy yourself.
7.They allow themselves treats
It's the opposite of the deprivation mentality that many overweight (but dieting) people espouse: Thin people let themselves eat what they crave, sometimes even indulging in a treat every day. "The difference is that they do it consciously, choosing exactly what they really want to eat and then eating slowly and enjoying it," says Fleming. So if it's chocolate you want, don't try to eat around the craving with an array of foods that don't really satisfy you. Instead, allow yourself to have a small but really delicious chocolate bar and put the craving to rest.
8.They eat breakfast
According to the National Weight Control Registry, which tracks the habits and strategies of more than 5,000 people who have maintained a significant weight loss, nearly 80 percent of these successful losers eat breakfast every single day. And most of their naturally lean counterparts do the same, and make sure that eat within about an hour of waking up. "Breakfast is literally breaking the fast of the night," says Fleming. "Until you send food into your system, your metabolism doesn't really start to kick in."
9.They move, stand and fidget
"Thin people are rarely sitting," says Fleming. Beyond their regular fitness routines, they simply move around more—and consequently burn more calories—throughout the day. And a study at the Mayo Clinic confirmed this: Researchers found that on average, a group of lean subjects sat for two hours a day less than the obese subjects, potentially burning up to 350 additional calories.
10.They don't skip meals
There are two problems with skipping meals—and thin people are careful not to fall prey to them. Going more than six hours without food will slow down your metabolism, plus you'll likely get so desperately hungry that you'll grab anything (as opposed to something healthy) and eat too much of it. "Thin people keep their gas tanks [i.e., their stomachs] between one-quarter and three-quarters full all the time," says Fleming. The best way to do that is to eat frequent mini-meals every three to four hours.
I know personally, a lot of these "secrets" I have struggled with, through avoidance. One rule that particularly stands out is emotional eating. I have been aware with the emotional connection between overeating and my feelings. Unfortunately, have to be aware of this constantly, as it is a automatic habit.
Repeating actions thousands of times, becomes a habit; and habits become a way of life. I want to search deeper within myself, and look how I deal with emotions and overeating. Hopefully after a few thousand times lol, my reaction to emtions that I feel will be in a automatic "healthy" way of living.
1.They don't diet
Small amount of food on a plate or at least not in the traditional, all-or-nothing, deprivation sense of the word. "You need to get rid of that diet mentality and realize that what you are doing is making a permanent lifestyle change," says Anne Fletcher, M.S., R.D., author of the Thin for Life book series. She adds, "You do have to cut back on calories if you want to stay thin, but it's about reassessing what you eat and being more sensible in your choices, not about a quick-fix, crazy diet." Research has also shown that thin people tend to have a better quality diet than those who are overweight. They eat more fruits and vegetables and more fiber, and drink more water—all healthy things that provide more food volume for the number of calories.
2.They keep track of their weight
Thin people know how much they weigh, and they monitor that number by stepping on the scale frequently. It's not about a having an unhealthy fixation on that number on the scale, but it's a way to catch a 5-pound gain before it suddenly turns into a 20-pound gain. "Aim to keep your weight within a five-pound range, and if you see it go above that buffer zone, make sure you have an immediate plan of action for how to address it," suggests Fletcher.
3.They exercise regularly
"In my research, 9 out of 10 people who've lost weight and maintained it exercise regularly and make it a critical part of their lives," says Fletcher. Even if you've never been a fitness fanatic, it's not too late to get moving. Even taking a few 15-minute walks throughout the day will be a move in the right direction. Once you start to enjoy the mood-boosting and calorie-burning advantages of exercise, start looking for ways to keep your workouts interesting. Join a local gym and try a variety of classes and cardio machines, find friends to walk with, or experiment with at-home exercise DVDs.
4.They don't solve problems with
Almost everyone is guilty of occasionally drowning their sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry's or taking out frustration on a batch of brownies, but thin people definitely don't make it a habit. "They tend not to eat purely for emotional reasons," says Fletcher. When you are upset (or bored, lonely, frustrated or angry), she suggests asking yourself: Is food really going to solve the problem, or will it just end up making you feel worse after you finish eating? Chances are, the food won't fix what's bothering you, so it's important to come up with a list of other small pleasures you can turn to instead of food. Some ideas include going for a walk, watching a movie, calling a friend, playing with your kids, or taking a bubble bath.
5.They stop eating when they're full
Most thin people are not members of the clean-plate club. Instead of mindlessly eating however much they are served, they pay attention to internal hunger cues and satiety. "Thin people are tuned into noticing when they are satisfied, and they stop eating even if there is food left," says Jill Fleming, M.S., R.D., author of Thin People Don't Clean Their Plates (Inspiration Presentations Press, 2005). "They often report that they don't like that feeling of being uncomfortably full, so they've learned how to stop before they reach it."
6.They don't surround themselves with food
Rather than stocking the cupboards with junk food, thin people's kitchens tend to be filled with healthy foods. That doesn't mean you can never have any indulgences in the house, just that you shouldn't have so many that you're likely to overeat them. For example, if you love to bake, give most of your sweets away to friends, or have your kids bring them to school or soccer practice, leaving just a few behind to enjoy yourself.
7.They allow themselves treats
It's the opposite of the deprivation mentality that many overweight (but dieting) people espouse: Thin people let themselves eat what they crave, sometimes even indulging in a treat every day. "The difference is that they do it consciously, choosing exactly what they really want to eat and then eating slowly and enjoying it," says Fleming. So if it's chocolate you want, don't try to eat around the craving with an array of foods that don't really satisfy you. Instead, allow yourself to have a small but really delicious chocolate bar and put the craving to rest.
8.They eat breakfast
According to the National Weight Control Registry, which tracks the habits and strategies of more than 5,000 people who have maintained a significant weight loss, nearly 80 percent of these successful losers eat breakfast every single day. And most of their naturally lean counterparts do the same, and make sure that eat within about an hour of waking up. "Breakfast is literally breaking the fast of the night," says Fleming. "Until you send food into your system, your metabolism doesn't really start to kick in."
9.They move, stand and fidget
"Thin people are rarely sitting," says Fleming. Beyond their regular fitness routines, they simply move around more—and consequently burn more calories—throughout the day. And a study at the Mayo Clinic confirmed this: Researchers found that on average, a group of lean subjects sat for two hours a day less than the obese subjects, potentially burning up to 350 additional calories.
10.They don't skip meals
There are two problems with skipping meals—and thin people are careful not to fall prey to them. Going more than six hours without food will slow down your metabolism, plus you'll likely get so desperately hungry that you'll grab anything (as opposed to something healthy) and eat too much of it. "Thin people keep their gas tanks [i.e., their stomachs] between one-quarter and three-quarters full all the time," says Fleming. The best way to do that is to eat frequent mini-meals every three to four hours.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
I REFUSE to give up! Motivation and Planning.....
Here I am October 2008. I pictured myself in a much different place right now, as well as sitting in a much smaller pair of pants *sigh* but I won't beat myself up, I am here, and I am NOT ready to give up!
Today the scale said 309Lbs. I was happy about this for the most part. Your probably shaking your head in disbelief as I say that I am happy to see 309 on the scale, but you will soon understand.
I have been lacking on my blogging lately, lacking on myself really. I havn't been sticking to my plan, I havn't been committed to my exersize plan, I have been struggling. Motivation ran out quicker then I thought. I don't believe that motivation in itself is what makes one loose weight and keep it off. I do believe however planning is, combined with motivation. Motivation is what makes us excited to do something, to have the hope, the positive attitude to want to do something, it initates change, but doesn't enforce it. Along with motivation there is determination, and through this, ie. planning, I believe there is success.
"He who fails to plan, plans to fail"
I am determined not to give up. I am not giving up on me. I refuse to. 309 is better then 330. 21 lbs of new habits, new lessons have been learned. What I am saying to myself today, is I refuse to be over 309 again, I refuse to allow myself to get past this.
So how will I do this? Planning! I have to stay focused and continue to plan meals, preperation etc. I have to continue to add exersize to my routine, and set new habits, and goals for myself. I have to use this motivation I have, along with my determination, and plan for the future.
I have a trip that I want to attend next June, and I have goals to set for myself for then. I am excited to see Europe, and I refuse to let myself miss out on living life anymore. I am NOT giving up!
Today the scale said 309Lbs. I was happy about this for the most part. Your probably shaking your head in disbelief as I say that I am happy to see 309 on the scale, but you will soon understand.
I have been lacking on my blogging lately, lacking on myself really. I havn't been sticking to my plan, I havn't been committed to my exersize plan, I have been struggling. Motivation ran out quicker then I thought. I don't believe that motivation in itself is what makes one loose weight and keep it off. I do believe however planning is, combined with motivation. Motivation is what makes us excited to do something, to have the hope, the positive attitude to want to do something, it initates change, but doesn't enforce it. Along with motivation there is determination, and through this, ie. planning, I believe there is success.
"He who fails to plan, plans to fail"
I am determined not to give up. I am not giving up on me. I refuse to. 309 is better then 330. 21 lbs of new habits, new lessons have been learned. What I am saying to myself today, is I refuse to be over 309 again, I refuse to allow myself to get past this.
So how will I do this? Planning! I have to stay focused and continue to plan meals, preperation etc. I have to continue to add exersize to my routine, and set new habits, and goals for myself. I have to use this motivation I have, along with my determination, and plan for the future.
I have a trip that I want to attend next June, and I have goals to set for myself for then. I am excited to see Europe, and I refuse to let myself miss out on living life anymore. I am NOT giving up!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
I AM ME
“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.â€
Denis2005 Virginia Satir quotes (American Phychologist and Educator, 1916-1988)
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.â€
Denis2005 Virginia Satir quotes (American Phychologist and Educator, 1916-1988)
Saturday, July 5, 2008
MONTH 1 RESULTS!
Well, the results are in!
I lost 8lbs this month, and I feel great :) There are a lot of changes I know I could make, mostly increasing the exercise! But all and all I am happy with the results, and how much I have lost this month :) WOOO HOO!!!
Here's to month 2!!
I lost 8lbs this month, and I feel great :) There are a lot of changes I know I could make, mostly increasing the exercise! But all and all I am happy with the results, and how much I have lost this month :) WOOO HOO!!!
Here's to month 2!!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Processed Foods & Junk Foods: The Enemies!!!! My Solution...Personal Receipe Book!
Hi my name is Sarah, and I am addicted to processed/junk foods. Yes I admit I have/had a serious problem. Yes, I used to shop in the isles of the grocery store for most of my food products, instead of around the parameter of the store where all the "healthy" choices are. This year alone I couldn't tell you how much healthy food I have wasted by throwing it out as it has spoiled (yes many bags of salad).
Working as a Nurse, you would think I would know to make healthier choices with the foods I eat. As a student I remember making a lot of really "convenient" choices of foods that I would eat because of lack of time, stress and convience. Some of my processed enemies included: crackers, cookies, chocolate, popcorn and real butter, frozen dinners, canned foods. Junk food has also been a problem for me as well the last approximately 6 years eating foods like timbits, candy, chocolate bars, anything really! There was a time in my life I remember a few years back thinking "I don't know when I ate REAL food last." My days were made up of convience foods and a lot of McDonald's, and Pizza.
I know it will take sometime before my taste buds change and I start to really crave REAL food, but I am already noticing a big difference. I try to grocery shop much differently now, as well as not eat out at fast food restarunts or resteraunts in general at this point. I want to gain control on what I put into my body.
I find it very difficult and continue to struggle with processed foods/high sugar content foods, they indeed are my enemy. Finding what foods keep me fuller longer, is something I have to invest more time in. REAL food seems much more appealing to me then those processed high sugar foods, but I won't lie-I still struggle with this.
My solution for this.....My own cookbook! It was like a eureka moment for me tonight. I think this will be beneficial to have recepies printed out under each meal category: Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, as well as healthy snack options. I find I am limited, and often repeat meals, which over time isn't so appealing! I also think trying to make something new each week, will keep me eating healthy foods, which will fill up my personal recipe book.
Looking forward to try out new receipes, as well as customize my food menu, why didn't I think of this years ago?
Working as a Nurse, you would think I would know to make healthier choices with the foods I eat. As a student I remember making a lot of really "convenient" choices of foods that I would eat because of lack of time, stress and convience. Some of my processed enemies included: crackers, cookies, chocolate, popcorn and real butter, frozen dinners, canned foods. Junk food has also been a problem for me as well the last approximately 6 years eating foods like timbits, candy, chocolate bars, anything really! There was a time in my life I remember a few years back thinking "I don't know when I ate REAL food last." My days were made up of convience foods and a lot of McDonald's, and Pizza.
I know it will take sometime before my taste buds change and I start to really crave REAL food, but I am already noticing a big difference. I try to grocery shop much differently now, as well as not eat out at fast food restarunts or resteraunts in general at this point. I want to gain control on what I put into my body.
I find it very difficult and continue to struggle with processed foods/high sugar content foods, they indeed are my enemy. Finding what foods keep me fuller longer, is something I have to invest more time in. REAL food seems much more appealing to me then those processed high sugar foods, but I won't lie-I still struggle with this.
My solution for this.....My own cookbook! It was like a eureka moment for me tonight. I think this will be beneficial to have recepies printed out under each meal category: Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, as well as healthy snack options. I find I am limited, and often repeat meals, which over time isn't so appealing! I also think trying to make something new each week, will keep me eating healthy foods, which will fill up my personal recipe book.
Looking forward to try out new receipes, as well as customize my food menu, why didn't I think of this years ago?
WEEK 2: Salad Time!
June 8-June15, 2008
Week 2 has been a interesting week. First off, I have had a big salad every day for dinner for the most part. This is huge! I can't think of the last time prior to these past few weeks that I have made myself a salad, must have been at least 3 months ago. Funny thing is, in the past 2 weeks I have prob
ably ate more salads then I have in 2007, which is VERY VERY sad! lol
ably ate more salads then I have in 2007, which is VERY VERY sad! lol Good news though, I like them now!. Last week I started with adding croutons, different low calorie dressings, and spicing chicken up different ways. One way I really enjoy the chicken done is baked in the oven in strips using Thai peanut powder on them. One package is almost 200 calories, and i try to do 3 chicken breasts lightly coated in the yummy peanuty powder. Yum Yum! However, the extra calories add up, and I am sure I can find a better way to spice up my chicken-low cal style!.
Another huge accomplish on the salad news, is that tonight's salad did not involve any meat! It was actually pretty good. If anyone has any recipes for low cal salads, with or without meat, I'd appreciate it!
Working out this week has been difficult at times. This week i have been working nights again, and worked 3-12 hour nights Wed, Thurs, Friday. Gotta love nursing! So I am eating at all different hours of the night, and things can get a bit tricky. Typically I try to wake up before 4:00pm if I can, or 4 the latest. I eat "breakfast" which is usually more of a lunch type meal. Then I pack a dinner and snacks because come 11pm I am STARVING! I should probably try to incorporate a light snack if possible before then to hold me over, difficult though working in a hospital sometimes.
Every day I am feeling healthier and healthier. I am starting to notice the "top bulge" shrinking somewhat. My hospital pants are feeling a bit better on me as well. Also without binging I wake up without a sore stomach, or that bloating feeling. I don't miss that one bit. Often, I would eat a large portion of "whatever" before I would go to bed. For instance a bag of low cal popcorn with melted butter on it, and i mean the whole bag :) Sometimes I would stop in at a convience store to buy chips, and overindulge.
Exercise has been tricky for me this week, and I have only managed to get out to the gym 2 times. Night shifts are not my thing, esp 2 weeks of 12 hour nights. I do get a few days off in between some shifts, but it's difficult to change over my sleep patterns I have to say. I am however on a new schedule which I hope to start in the next few weeks. 2 days, 2 nights, 5 off. For all you shift workers out there, you know that this schedule is a ideal one! I do hope this makes a big difference in my energy level.
I do have to say though, I am extreamly happy to be half way through the month, and halfway at my goal for the month. I am continuously learning about myself, what I like, what I don't. Looking up new recipes etc. I have to also look at the fact that I have officially dropped 5 lbs, and at 3,500 calories per pound, I've managed to cut, and work off17,500 calories! That is huge!!!
Friday, June 13, 2008
WEEK 1: POUNDS LOST 4LBS
Week 1: June 1-June 8, 2008
It just so happened to be the start of the month when I made the commitment to myself, to change myself physically and emotionally. No it's not a Monday, it actually happened to be a Sunday for a matter of fact! lol
I have been contemplating in my mind for years it has seemed, but until recently (I mean a few months ago), something finally clicked. Almost like a light bulb in my head going off "Eureka!". It was the day I said to myself, that "I no longer want to live this way. I have missed out on so much life, and so much living." I remember that moment, and reflected back in the last 6 years specifically, how much I have given up, and how much of life I haven't lived because of my weight and the emotions attached to my weight. I made the decision June 1/08 that life will no longer be like this for me, and that it doesn't have to. I can change it, and I will!.
So here it is. Week 1: The Start
Some goals I had for myself t his week were the following.
1. Eat approximately 1700-2,000 calories a day.
2. Avoid binge eating. Become aware of patterns or cravings.
3. Exercise! Elliptical Glider and Walking to start.
4. Avoid temptations of eating out.
5. Find new recipes and foods to eat, and have fun with it!
6. Try to incorporate new exercises to try in the future.
Making all these changes has been a eye opener. Instead of avoiding anything fitness, like programs on television, or magazines, or topics with friends. I have been quite opposite, and have been putting all my attention into fitness/healthy eating, and NOT AVOIDING!. I worked out 4x's, doing the elliptical between 30-40minutes. I worked out with a friend at the gym, made a healthy dinner, and have been conscious into what I have been putting into my body. There were struggles to keep on track that is for sure, and many opportunities to go out for dinner/lunches, which I am trying to stay away from as I am trying to stay closely to my diet, and meals I have prepared. I actually enjoy salad!! That in itself is a miracle! I have been playing around with different leafy greens and found that I really enjoy salad topped with some chicken, very good. I have been using a light cucumber dressing 20 cal a tablespoon and eating approx 4 cups of salad at dinner with a chicken breast or 1.5 chicken breasts on top. Very filling. I have been struggling with hunger though, and I do want to make sure I balance my meals out so I feel fuller for longer, so I am trying new ideas with that. Also I am drinking plenty of water as not only was the temperature hot outside, but I want to make sure I am well hydrated, and not causing unnecessary hunger pains, from being dehydrated.
I have looked into different options for exercise and at this point I have come up with a few ideas. Firstly, I find low impact exercises great right now. I can sure work up a sweat but, they aren't taking a toll on my joints! I love the elliptical, and walking. I have been walking to work on several occasions, but I didn't walk this week. I have been sticking to the gym mainly, as the thought of walking in almost 40 degree weather doesn't sound appealing at this time.
I have printed off maps of trails in my city that I would like to explore and walk. I have found one that is, quite beautiful near the water which I enjoy walking. I love listening to nature, as I walk the trail at RIM park, and can hear the water. So peaceful. I want to explore other trails. I find walking a great time to reflect, and great for my mind and body. Plain and simple, it makes me feel good!.
I have also decided that I will do some walks for causes, such as the Terry Fox 10k walk and Minds in Motions 10k Walk. These walk-a-thons are not until September, but this will give me ample time to improve my fitness level. As it is now, if I walk to and from work it is almost 9km! So I know I will have no difficulties there.
I've had some difficulties, one was around chocolate, so I'll confess. I bought a rittersport, and ate almost the whole thing lol. I threw out some of it at the end, angered by my choice to buy it. Anyhow that makes me laugh really, it is my fat cells and hormones against me...and they won! All I can say is I need to pay closer attention to possible binges etc in the future, as this could have been a lot more worse then what it was!!
Overall, I lost 4lbs, I am extremely happy with that, even if it is part water weight!! I went down to 311 from 315, so I am happy!!!
Every week I hope to learn more and more about myself, and what works and what doesn't. If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear what works for you as well!! All I know is I trust my gut, and i don't mean literally! lol I trust my inner self in a lot of different areas in my life, and I should apply it to weight loss too. If it makes me feel good, then I know I am on the right track!
Here's to week 2!
It just so happened to be the start of the month when I made the commitment to myself, to change myself physically and emotionally. No it's not a Monday, it actually happened to be a Sunday for a matter of fact! lol
I have been contemplating in my mind for years it has seemed, but until recently (I mean a few months ago), something finally clicked. Almost like a light bulb in my head going off "Eureka!". It was the day I said to myself, that "I no longer want to live this way. I have missed out on so much life, and so much living." I remember that moment, and reflected back in the last 6 years specifically, how much I have given up, and how much of life I haven't lived because of my weight and the emotions attached to my weight. I made the decision June 1/08 that life will no longer be like this for me, and that it doesn't have to. I can change it, and I will!.
So here it is. Week 1: The Start
Some goals I had for myself t his week were the following.
1. Eat approximately 1700-2,000 calories a day.
2. Avoid binge eating. Become aware of patterns or cravings.
3. Exercise! Elliptical Glider and Walking to start.
4. Avoid temptations of eating out.
5. Find new recipes and foods to eat, and have fun with it!
6. Try to incorporate new exercises to try in the future.
Making all these changes has been a eye opener. Instead of avoiding anything fitness, like programs on television, or magazines, or topics with friends. I have been quite opposite, and have been putting all my attention into fitness/healthy eating, and NOT AVOIDING!. I worked out 4x's, doing the elliptical between 30-40minutes. I worked out with a friend at the gym, made a healthy dinner, and have been conscious into what I have been putting into my body. There were struggles to keep on track that is for sure, and many opportunities to go out for dinner/lunches, which I am trying to stay away from as I am trying to stay closely to my diet, and meals I have prepared. I actually enjoy salad!! That in itself is a miracle! I have been playing around with different leafy greens and found that I really enjoy salad topped with some chicken, very good. I have been using a light cucumber dressing 20 cal a tablespoon and eating approx 4 cups of salad at dinner with a chicken breast or 1.5 chicken breasts on top. Very filling. I have been struggling with hunger though, and I do want to make sure I balance my meals out so I feel fuller for longer, so I am trying new ideas with that. Also I am drinking plenty of water as not only was the temperature hot outside, but I want to make sure I am well hydrated, and not causing unnecessary hunger pains, from being dehydrated.
I have looked into different options for exercise and at this point I have come up with a few ideas. Firstly, I find low impact exercises great right now. I can sure work up a sweat but, they aren't taking a toll on my joints! I love the elliptical, and walking. I have been walking to work on several occasions, but I didn't walk this week. I have been sticking to the gym mainly, as the thought of walking in almost 40 degree weather doesn't sound appealing at this time.
I have printed off maps of trails in my city that I would like to explore and walk. I have found one that is, quite beautiful near the water which I enjoy walking. I love listening to nature, as I walk the trail at RIM park, and can hear the water. So peaceful. I want to explore other trails. I find walking a great time to reflect, and great for my mind and body. Plain and simple, it makes me feel good!.
I have also decided that I will do some walks for causes, such as the Terry Fox 10k walk and Minds in Motions 10k Walk. These walk-a-thons are not until September, but this will give me ample time to improve my fitness level. As it is now, if I walk to and from work it is almost 9km! So I know I will have no difficulties there.
I've had some difficulties, one was around chocolate, so I'll confess. I bought a rittersport, and ate almost the whole thing lol. I threw out some of it at the end, angered by my choice to buy it. Anyhow that makes me laugh really, it is my fat cells and hormones against me...and they won! All I can say is I need to pay closer attention to possible binges etc in the future, as this could have been a lot more worse then what it was!!
Overall, I lost 4lbs, I am extremely happy with that, even if it is part water weight!! I went down to 311 from 315, so I am happy!!!
Every week I hope to learn more and more about myself, and what works and what doesn't. If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear what works for you as well!! All I know is I trust my gut, and i don't mean literally! lol I trust my inner self in a lot of different areas in my life, and I should apply it to weight loss too. If it makes me feel good, then I know I am on the right track!
Here's to week 2!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The Beginning
Just like any story there is a beginning, middle and end. This is the beginning. I have decided today that I will change my destiny. I want to live a different life, a healthier life, and most importantly: I want to change. This site will provide me with some inspiration to reach my small goals and milestones in this weight loss journey. I have been wanting to change for sometime now, and I am ready. I hope through blogging that I will be able to uncover and rediscover myself. I also hope that one day that I will inspire others in their own weight loss journey.
This is my story, one blog at a time.....
Weight has always been a struggle for me, for as long as I can remember. Today I weigh 311 lbs. At 5’8 that is defined as morbidly obese, actually anything over 180lbs at my height is morbidly obese! I don’t want to be labeled or categorized as this, and “morbid” let’s face it sounds “morbid” lol.
More importantly, I’ve realized more then ever, just how much of life I have missed out on because of my weight, and the feelings that are associated with it. Feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger towards myself for allowing myself to get to this point. So, how did I get here? Well here is my story....
I have aloud myself to get to this point by denial and avoidance. I have made excuses by putting people and things before myself, and fixing my health. I have been in denial for sometime now, and have been over the 300lb mark for over 3 years now, at my highest 330lb. Shocking.
I remember when I was about 16 years old, and at that time I weighed around 240lbs, my heaviest at that time, promising myself never to hit that number again nor see it. I lost a modest 65 lbs, and was in the low 170's for graduation, by eating right and exercising. I worked hard to look good for my high school graduation, and I did look great, I felt great too! So how did I gain back those 65lbs and and almost another 100lb afterwards? YIKES!
I know now, I have a lot of avoidance techniques, and over the years I have mastered them! Avoidance techniques such as, not looking in the mirror, or not looking at my naked body, avoiding my reflection in windows and shadows. I avoided. I didn't want to know that I was out of control, and I didn't want to see myself, the way I truly was. Slowly in time, I have seen how it has impacted my life in many ways. Avoiding family get togethers, binge eating, avoiding activities such as walking/gym and being more sedentary in general. I also avoided going to social events with friends, or family knowing what a shocker my weight gain would be, and how ugly I would feel, how ashamed I would feel for the way I look. So I avoided. Avoided allot! 160lbs of avoidance!!
I have come to the realization the past few months, just how much of life I have missed out of, because of my weight and because of the emotions that go with carrying this extra weight. I don't want to loose out on "living" anymore, I refuse to. Today I am 311 lbs, I have accepted this. I have also accepted that I want to change, for me. I also have accepted that this may take some time, and here is the shocker....I won't be skinny tomorrow :O LOL. It took me many years to get to this point, and I am sure it will take some time to get where I feel and look "healthy."
I am prepared for this journey to transform my mind body and soul. I am ready to make to the changes that will enable me to meet my weight loss goals, and to find exercises that I actually "enjoy" somewhat lol. I am prepared to have fun with this along the way, and to learn more from myself then I ever have! I hope you will enjoy reading about my story, and I hope by opening up through blogging I will have inspired just one person. This is my journey. This is my beginning.
Quote:
"Nothing changes, if nothing changes" unknown.
This is my story, one blog at a time.....
Weight has always been a struggle for me, for as long as I can remember. Today I weigh 311 lbs. At 5’8 that is defined as morbidly obese, actually anything over 180lbs at my height is morbidly obese! I don’t want to be labeled or categorized as this, and “morbid” let’s face it sounds “morbid” lol.
More importantly, I’ve realized more then ever, just how much of life I have missed out on because of my weight, and the feelings that are associated with it. Feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger towards myself for allowing myself to get to this point. So, how did I get here? Well here is my story....
I have aloud myself to get to this point by denial and avoidance. I have made excuses by putting people and things before myself, and fixing my health. I have been in denial for sometime now, and have been over the 300lb mark for over 3 years now, at my highest 330lb. Shocking.
I remember when I was about 16 years old, and at that time I weighed around 240lbs, my heaviest at that time, promising myself never to hit that number again nor see it. I lost a modest 65 lbs, and was in the low 170's for graduation, by eating right and exercising. I worked hard to look good for my high school graduation, and I did look great, I felt great too! So how did I gain back those 65lbs and and almost another 100lb afterwards? YIKES!
I know now, I have a lot of avoidance techniques, and over the years I have mastered them! Avoidance techniques such as, not looking in the mirror, or not looking at my naked body, avoiding my reflection in windows and shadows. I avoided. I didn't want to know that I was out of control, and I didn't want to see myself, the way I truly was. Slowly in time, I have seen how it has impacted my life in many ways. Avoiding family get togethers, binge eating, avoiding activities such as walking/gym and being more sedentary in general. I also avoided going to social events with friends, or family knowing what a shocker my weight gain would be, and how ugly I would feel, how ashamed I would feel for the way I look. So I avoided. Avoided allot! 160lbs of avoidance!!
I have come to the realization the past few months, just how much of life I have missed out of, because of my weight and because of the emotions that go with carrying this extra weight. I don't want to loose out on "living" anymore, I refuse to. Today I am 311 lbs, I have accepted this. I have also accepted that I want to change, for me. I also have accepted that this may take some time, and here is the shocker....I won't be skinny tomorrow :O LOL. It took me many years to get to this point, and I am sure it will take some time to get where I feel and look "healthy."
I am prepared for this journey to transform my mind body and soul. I am ready to make to the changes that will enable me to meet my weight loss goals, and to find exercises that I actually "enjoy" somewhat lol. I am prepared to have fun with this along the way, and to learn more from myself then I ever have! I hope you will enjoy reading about my story, and I hope by opening up through blogging I will have inspired just one person. This is my journey. This is my beginning.
Quote:
"Nothing changes, if nothing changes" unknown.
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