Emotionally Hungry

Emotional Hunger VS Physical Hunger:

It was until recently that I have thought about the differences between being emotionally hungry and physically hungry. I want to explore this idea, and work on replacing the emotionally hungry me, and listen to myself when I am physically hungry.

I can remember a long stretch of time when I would feed my emotions, and not feed my body to for nourishment, for fuel. When I think back to the period of time between age 22 and age 26, there were countless times where I would not feel physically hungry. You are probably thinking to yourself, "But everyone FEELS hungry". The problem was is I was ALWAYS full. I would eat, eat and eat some more and would have very little cues from my body that I was actually "hungry".

During these years, I would nourish and fuel my body with unhealthy choices. I would eat through emotions I was feeling such as: Happiness, sadness, anxiety, anger, boredom, fatigue, loneliness. Feeding the emotions, instead of feeling the emotions; I trained myself to stuff myself full of foods, instead of dealing with my feelings.

I had another "eye opener" the other day. My Grandmother passed away last Sunday. I hadn't seen her in the retirement home for some time, and knew that she was declining mentally and physically with dementia. My Mom had called me the day before, and had told me she is not doing well, and that it probably would not be long before she would pass. I had been working nights that weekend, and my kitchen faucet had broken. Needless to say dishes were piling and piling up in a few days. I made the decision to see her Monday to say my goodbyes. Unfortunately, she passed away Sunday night. I went through many emotions this week. Angry at myself for not seeing her the day before. Feelings of guilt, for not visiting her as much as I thought I should have. Sadness, because I missed her.

I remember before I called my mom back Monday morning, I made myself 2 English muffins (whole grain of course! lol) with butter AND peanut butter. For those that don't know me, this is one of my favorite foods. Toasting the toast, almost until it is burnt, and using a little more then lightly buttering a piece of toast, with a thin layer of peanut butter. I toasted my toast, but I couldn't wait for it to get to the darkness that I desired, it wasn't toasting fast enough. I popped the first English muffin out of the toaster too early for my liking and popped the next one in the toaster. I took both of these buttered/peanut butter goodness up to my room. I remember eating the English muffins very vaguely. I did not savor the taste. I ate quicker then normal. I was feeling upset, crying, anxious because I was going to call my mom and "officially" hear that Grandma was no longer with us.

Prior to calling, I said to myself that I wasn't hungry. However, I made the decision to make this food to comfort me, to deal with the emotion, and I stuffed them down in record time!. You may be reading this and be saying "2 English muffins, that's a binge? I eat ___ bags/pieces/servings of___ food, 2 English muffins is nothing". The point here is that it is something. It was a eye opener for me on years of emotional eating. Sure this "binge" was minimal. typically it could be eating a box of cookies during the course of the day, crackers and cheese, pizza, fast food in large quantities. However, I was aware this time. I was awakened by this, that I do feed my emotions.

After I scarfed down the muffins, I didn't feel guilty about it. I felt awakened. I began to run through stressful/emotional times in my life where I would react in this way. I realized that I have to pay more attention to my emotions, and work through those feelings instead of eating through them. I have never really seen that connection.

This awareness is going to be a key component to aid in my weight loss and maintenance. I will have to practice it daily, and recognize it as a habit I have taught myself for years. Listening to my body for hunger cues, and fueling my body to live, instead of feeding emotions will take some work, but I am ready for this! Awareness isn't denial. Awareness is empowering!